One of the biggest “turn offs” for most Veterans and active duty personel is, when people begin to talk politics in their presence.

I received emails in the past where practitioners shared with me their political views, and combined them with the desire to help.

I gently shared with them that the desire to help is enough motivation. Warriors don’t talk politics with each other, and neither should we. Going to war is not a political decision for them, it is their mission and their job. It is vitally important for EFT practitioners that we are respectful of this. Pride and honor are two great values of the military.

When we offer our help with EFT, we don’t judge, we don’t condone and we don’t excuse what happened. We help heal what happened. It is important that we keep this focus and make sure that a warrior always feels safe and respected. Many have been through a lot and have a hard time trusting non-military people. So if we avoid to talk politics and make sure that we honor them and their willingness to protect their country it will be easier for us to begin to allow for trust and rapport to build.

Many Veterans have a deeply ingrained feeling of betrayal and anger about it.  Here is a video that might help you relax:

Tapping on betrayal and unfairness 

As a healing practitioner, it is important that we honor and acknowledge this experience and feeling: They often come from the soul, from the deepest source or core of being that a person is able to perceive.

Betrayal has many faces, but no matter what someone has experienced, he or she will most likely feel anger and rage about it. When I work with a Veteran, I always check for this feeling very early on. I find that many people find it relatively easy to talk about feeling cheated and betrayed. Betrayal is usually something that can be at least partially blamed on another person or group, and there are memories and arguments to prove that the client has every right to feel the way he or she does. When a Veteran begins to talk about feeling betrayed, it is important not to judge, but to listen with compassion and confirm the betrayal. Whatever a veterans shares is is important to him or her, and we can trust that he is sharing it the best way he can.

As friends, family or healing practitioners of a warrior, we can hold a reliable space of confirmation and support beyond judgment. We don’t have to condone what happened, what someone endured or did, we can focus on helping him or her heal. With “EFT – Emotional Freedom Techniques”, we tap on releasing the anger and resentment, not because what happened was right, but because it is over and the only person truly suffering from it tremendously is the client. What was wrong can remain wrong in the clients perception, and he does not even have to share it with us in detail, but he can take the charge out of it with EFT anyway, but we should not have to suffer from it. It is comforting to know that we can take the charge out of such a traumatic betrayal with EFT, and find a new way of dealing with what happened. Weather a Veteran feels betrayed by a friend, his family, the military, a partner, the people of his country, politics, war, or life itself, we need to acknowledge this feeling deeply and confirm that we listen with compassion and without judgment. Our job is not to condone or excuse what happened, it is to help heal what happened. And using appropriate language with EFT, we can help take the charge out of the anger and rage and allow for the person to move forward in his life in a new way that feels appropriate and truly works for him.

Returning home from combat is not as easy as many expect. Thinking of home feels wonderful: a safe and comfortable place, where things will “sort themselves out”. Many veterans can’t wait to get on the plane and head home, and neither can their relatives. But in the weeks and months ahead, many soldiers face great and unexpected difficulties when they come back to their family and try to adjust to “normal life”.

In the days, weeks or months after returning home from combat, many veterans report that the world seems to stand still, as if in slow motion. They still have the adrenaline rush going and the very thing that often protected their lives, being able to always be alert and on guard, and ready to protect themselves and others, is now working against them. In the beginning, this might feel like a normal adjustment period that can be expected after such a high adrenaline life in theater, but after a while, it often becomes clearer and clearer that the inner pressure, the hyper vigilance, the inner arousal from combat stress doesn’t go away on its own. The high tempo in which the world seems to unfold for these men and women often causes conflicts with the rest of the family, who don’t understand or have difficulty coping with the changes they see in their soldier returning home from combat.

In combat, everybody is the same, going through the stress together, warriors fighting for each other. They don’t need a lot of words to communicate, and they have almost intuitive ways to signal each other that they know and are there if someone needs them. At home, this is a very different situation, and most Veterans feel that nobody understands them, since they haven’t shared the same experiences. So for spouses, it is important to recognize that just the physical change to leave for safer grounds doesn’t make the experiences, the combat stress, the often upsetting, overwhelming and traumatic memories, undone.  

At the same time, life at home went on and took its own turn. Spouses managed to cope and raise the kids, new jobs were found, new relationships created. Life at home is simply not what it used to be. This can create great pressure and disappointment, and if military families are not trained and prepared for this, it can cause strain and overwhelm on the marriage and life itself. All of these are natural and common occurrences, and trying to find out whose “fault” it is that things are tough is usually not the right solution.

Remember that after returning home from combat, it is important to recognize and acknowledge each other’s feelings and make sure that healing can happen in a way that feels safe and appropriate for everybody involved. Talking is so much easier when the emotional charge of the often traumatic past can be discharged. EFT coaching techniques can be learned that allow doing exactly that: Instead of focusing on WHY we are angry, we work with THAT we are angry, which releases the charge and allow all parties to relax.

With EFT, we have an opportunity to help a Veteran “de-stress”, lowering the inner pressure that the soldier feels, and helping him or her to relax.

Thank you so much for working with me! I can’t believe the difference that 6 hours of EFT have made for me.

As a Vietnam Veteran I see that if we could get people who come right from the zone and teach them how to tap, they wouldn’t have to go through 40 years of shit like I had to.

Thank you for EFT4Vets!

R.

Thank you, Ingrid for the session yesterday.

We worked for 50 minutes on the phone and ended by getting me back to the little girl I left in the root celar oh so many years ago.

Today I feel quite good, as I am learning how to live with my new found part. She, now a mature person, brings smiles to my being both inside and out.

What a wonderful feeling that is. I try to get the feeling that was there before working yesterday and I can not find it. How great is that?

For that issues at this time and maybe for ever, I am done. Thank You for being there for me. See you at a work shop when I can.

Much Love, B.

This week we are having a tribute for the founder of EFT, Gary Craig.

Please join us! 3pm EST/8pm GMT

Call-in Number: (718) 664-6271

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/eft_world_magazine

Today on the life call:

Jacqui Crooks, Sophia Cayer, Maryam Webster, Ingrid Dinter

Part of the mission for this blog is to help practitioners understand the world of Veterans and their families. Only if we understand what Veterans and military families are going through can we find ways to reach out effectively.

I have said many times that, no matter how good we might be in our field, connecting with a Veteran is always personal. Hardly ever is it possible to make an announcement and have many people show up and be interested.

Learning how to reach out, earning our access to the person and communicating in an appropriate way is important.

I just had the following communication with a military mother. She allowed for me to publish it with the hopes that she can help others understand.

I am very grateful for this, and pray that her son will reach out and get help whenever he is ready.

—

*Mother: I have been researching PTSD for sometime. I believe my Army Veteran son-age 27-would benefit from EFT. What do we do next? I am grateful for the information provided by your website and newsletters.

Comfort and joy,  S.

*Ingrid: Hi S.,

Thank you for your email. I’d be glad to talk with you and your son. I have been working with many Veterans and military families and see tremendous benefits in improvement of sleep, over all relaxation, release of guilt and hyper vigilance, sadness, numbness and disconnect, to name only a few.

Please call me Mo-Fr 8:30am-3:00pm (EST): (603) 746-2328

Thank You

Ingrid

—

I then called her a few days later to follow up.

*Mother: Ingrid,

There are not words to adequately describe my feelings as I listened to your voice mail last week.  The simple fact you took the time to call about my Army Veteran son was very much appreciated.  I know we will be calling you soon.

Blessings and light, S.

*Ingrid: S.,

I am wondering if you would allow me to use your kind email as a testimonial on my website. Creating trust and rapport is so hard, as you know, and when something is said by a family member, it accounts for so much more  than when I say it.

I’d be happy to change your name to keep it anonymous. Thanks so much!

I continue to pray that your son will connect with me.

Love Ingrid

*Mother: You may use my email, of course.  Change the name, use my first or initials only all are fine with me.  My son’s health-emotion, mental and physical are very important to me.  For you to take the time to first respond to my email and then to actually call me placed me on the most incredible emotional high….someone cares too!  Wow!

Blessing and light, S.

*Ingrid: Thanks S.!

Many, many people care. A lot! This is why we are doing this.

The hardest thing for us is to actually make the first connection, as avoidance and mistrust are such profound symptoms that many Veterans bring home.

I know you are going through a lot right now. Seeing your own son suffer and be changed must hurt a lot.

Please know that you are in my prayers.

Love

Ingrid

———————-

I hope that you can see how lonely the situation for many military family members is, and how much they wish that someone could help their loved one. This is one of the most loving and gentle communities that I have ever met. So much caring, so much concern.

When we reach out and try to spread the word about EFT or any other healing modality or support, we will most likely have to do this one person at a time, taking the time, honoring the concerns, listen to the stories and objections.

This takes time and commitment, of course. however, not taking this time can make the difference between someone finding the courage to accept support, or not being able to reach out.

Many, many people are needed to help Veterans and their families heal! And the first true connection will always be personal.

Returning home from combat is not as easy as many expect. Thinking of home feels wonderful, a safe and comfortable place, where things will “sort themselves out”. Many veterans can’t wait to get on the plane and head home, and neither can their relatives.
But it is important to recognize that just the physical change to leave for safer grounds doesn’t make the experiences, the combat stress, the often upsetting, overwhelming and traumatic memories, undone.
In the days, weeks or months after returning home from combat, many veterans report that the world seems to stand still, as if in slow motion. They still have the adrenaline rush going, and the very thing that often protected their lives, being able to always be alert and on guard, and ready to protect themselves and others, is now working against them.
In the beginning, this might feel like a normal adjustment period that can be expected after such a high adrenaline life in theater, but after a while, it often becomes clearer and clearer that the inner pressure, the hyper vigilance, the inner arousal fro combat stress doesn’t go away on its own. The high tempo in which the world seems to unfold for these men and women often causes conflicts with the rest of the family, who don’t understand or have difficulty coping with the changes they see in their soldier returning home from combat.
With EFT, we might have an opportunity to help a Veteran “de-stress”, lowering the inner pressure that the soldier feels, and helping him or her to relax.

Here are some tapping suggestions. You must read and agree to the disclaimer on this site to continue. Free EFT tapping chart.
Even though I feel like I’m going a hundred miles an hour, I deeply and completely accept that I’m safe now.
Even though I feel like things are going SO SLOW now, I choose to allow myself to remember what it felt like to be safe before I left
Even though I can’t stand the boring life right now, I need the kick and adrenaline rush, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway
TH: I can’t stand how slow things are going now!
IE: It is SO SLOW!
OE: Wake up people, you have to move a little faster!!!
UE: I can’t stand how SLOW this “outside world” is now
UN: I feel so much pressure inside, I HAVE to do something!
UL: There is so much pressure, and I just don’t feel safe to relax
CB: So much pressure inside
UA: I miss the action of combat so much
TH:Even though I know I should feel safe now, I miss the action

IE: I can choose to find a way to safely lower that inner pressure one step at a time
OE: I can choose to allow myself to realize that I am safe and so is my family
UE: I can choose to know exactly when I need to feel vigilant, and when I can relax
UN: And to realize that I will never loose my survivor skills that I have trained so hard to get
UL: I can choose to allow my system to remember its normal inner pace
CB: That I had before I left and that is good for me and the life I live now
UA: I can choose to allow myself to take a breath and release the excess adrenaline
TH: so that I can begin to claim my normal life back, one step at a time.

IE: I love how comfortable it is to relax
OE: I can actually take a breath and let some of this stres go!
UE: I love how easy and appropriate it can feel to know when I am safe and when I’m not
UN: And to trust that my training will always be there for me when I truly need it to survive
UL: But when I am safe and don’t hae to expect any danger
CB: I can allow myself to relax and enjoy
UA: I am so grateful that I can relax step by step
TH: Knowing with certainty when I am safe, and when I truly need my training.

Just see how this resonates with you, and change the wording to what works best for you.
Most of the Veterans I have coached with EFT after returning home from combat told me that they never needed their training again in civilian life, and that it was just their adrenaline that kept them going, not the reality of a present danger.

Dear Ingrid,

Thank You very much for the session we had this evening. To say it was enlightening would be an understatement.

So many traumas in my life were hit on, I am amazed. Even now, half and hour after we hung up the phone, things are popping up in my mind and I have the ability to see them from a different point of view, a different acceptance level. I couldn’t tell you when the last time in my life was when I was this relaxed.

It will take some time for this new person to show to others in this house the difference in me because of the ongoing tension that is here. I know that when others see how I am acting and showing feelings they will wonder what has happened.

We spoke of the black hole in my heart and tapped on it until the hole closed. I can look back now and say that this black hole was actually bigger than the quarter I stated during our session. It was only at that point that I realized it was actually showing itself to me. I also understand it was the 9 yr old little boy who made it shown as a gesture of asking for help for the “rest of the problems” to be accepted and finally closed off. I never expected that 9 year old to surface like he did and in such a matter of fact way.

Our session showed to me that traumatic stressors come in many ways in our life and the way we react is because of the way we have been brought up and told how to handle things. Mostly, we are told “NOT” to react and just accept for acceptances sake and go on. We are never told how to act and react and go through the emotions that are attached to the situations.

In my situation, we started the session working on my left rotator cup problems. Quickly things changed to dealing with anger. First anger toward my rotator cup, then to my home problems. Then when least expected, to anger over losing my mother when I was 9 years old.

As that anger was targeted, there was suddenly this “black hole” in my heart that was visible. Only a quarter in size showing, I know it must have been much larger in the beginning, possibly larger than the heart itself(much larger). This black hole contained many angers towards many people and many situations I had never been taught how to deal with and understand. We tapped on these people and situations until the hole shrank and I was calmer. Then we tapped some more and some more until the black hole closed completely and I was totally calm and even chuckling some.

As our session came to a close, I realized that I could look back on my mother’s death and no longer have an overwhelming feeling of loss. I could look back and give help and protection to that 9 year old now that I know what is was all about with my mother. Now, if he reaches out I will be there for him.

I was able to look back at situations like a movie in which I was in the middle but also I was outside looking in without those emotions again. I could be watching and be detached at the same time. I never in a million years did I think I could look back on my own mother’s death and other situations and feel detached and calm. I am so calm while typing this and normally by now I would be in tears and upset to the max.

I have even had some flashbacks of personal situations that happened while I was in the military. This session showed me that past situations whether they be military or civilian, can be seen and handled in a different manner.

We tried more tapping on my shoulder until an impasse was hit. My arm would not move further without severe pain. It had improved even though not the outcome fully wanted. It was decided to go no further and let the doctors do what they do best..

I would be more than willing to talk to anyone and tell how different I felt before and after our session. I hope this testimonial has enough in it for you.

As I said before we hung up the phone, “I HUMBLY AND GRATEFULLY THANK YOU INGRID!”

Jim

(609) 479-6054