Archive for September 15th, 2009

Many veterans gave up hope a long time ago, that healing is possible for them. They have tried everything there was to try, done treatments and medications, were locked in for periods of time, did whatever they could do to release their trauma – often with very little results.

The trauma they have endured doesn’t seem to be healable. For the sake of rapport, I like to replace the word “healing”” with “relaxing”.

It might be hard to imagine that we can heal a traumatic memory. But if we could “relax about it”, that would be desirable and more within reach.

Many have deservingness issues around the word healing, as they want to take charge for what happened in war. But if they could allow themselves to relax anyway, that would be within reach of what is appropriate and OK.

They see value in relaxing about something that happened a long time ago. They can understand how this relaxation can help them sleep. Being relaxed can keep intrusive thoughts at bay and make hyper vigilance easier to deal with. There is great value for them in being able to function, doing something meaningful with their life, and taking on a new place in society where they might even be able to help others through their experiences.

EFT is a very powerful tool to help a Veteran relax. When suggesting some set up statements, I like to add the word “surprising”. Here are some examples:

“Even though I feel so tense and keyed up about what happened that day in Iraq, I allow myself to feel surprisingly relaxed about it now.”

“Even though I can’t possible consider that I deserve healing, I allow myself to relax anyway.”

“Even though nothing has ever worked, and I don’t believe in healing, I choose to feel surprisingly relaxed anyway.”

This kind of tapping establishes a new reality in the mind that the Veteran can then begin to explore and fill out in a way that feels good and right to him or her.

As EFT practitioners, we don’t judge, we don’t condone, and we don’t excuse what happened in the past, we help HEAL what happened.

All of us have a deeply engrained fear of judgment of our actions. The fear of judgment is often greater than the fear of  failure, and it stops us from moving forward with what we would otherwise be able to do.

This is very true for most of the Veterans I have worked with. Most of my Veterans don’t want to talk about what they did in war. They are embarrassed, feel guilty for surviving, or realize the enormousness of their actions and the lives they changed and took.

Therefore, many Veterans only want to talk with other Vets about what happened in war. They feel that they are the only ones who can understand and relate to what truly happened. Only with other Veterans there do they trust that they won’t be judged.

Here is a great chance for EFT Practitioners to truly help Veterans heal.

Because with EFT, we don’t have to know WHY someome is hurting. Our focus as EFT practitioners is THAT the person hurts. We don’t focus on WHY the person is angry. What matters is THAT the person is angry. With EFT, we don’t have to know the details in order to take the charge out of a traumatic memory.

We can stay focused on the emotional RESPONSE to what happened in the past, and allow for the Veteran to release his/her intensity without the fear of judgment.

I have often worked with Veterans using setup statements like

“Even though I have a “10” intensity about what happened that morning, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

“Even though I can’t allow myself yet to release this response, I completely love and accept myself anyway.”

“Even if what happened back then wasn’t right from how I see it today, I acknowledge the situation I was in, and the context in which it happened, and consider forgiving myself in a way that feels right and appropriate.”

These statements are usually filled with concrete information and memories for the Veteran, and his/her subconscious works on the specific memory without the discomfort and embarrassment of sharing details.